I Must Be Getting Old

I believe it's a sure sign of increasing age when you look at the fashions and customs of the younger crowd and think "WTF?". Some of the shit they do really makes me wonder. A couple examples:

Ink: What possesses a hot young babe to have some huge tribal flame design tattooed across her lower back? I'm not a fan of tattoos in general, and the current fad of billboard-sized tattoos proudly displayed on girls' backs has me baffled. I suspect it's driven by the urge to be different but at this point they're de rigeur, and look ridiculous to boot. A small, inconspicuous tattoo is tolerable, but a whopper? Yeesh, take a hike. Really darling, if you want to impress the men in your life have a flat-screen TV implanted there, and a coaster while you're at it.

Ink II: Any neck tattoo: WTF is going on there? What do these guys do for a living? What decent job can you possibly land with a tattoo on your neck? I don't even want to buy a used car from a guy with a tattoo on his neck. I'm sure it's the rebel bad boy image they're trying to portray, and it works like a charm for both the image and resulting lifestyle. Once you get one of these your options in life will be severely limited: Either self employment in a limited number of fields, or some sort of criminal enterprise. Even if you choose the criminal path it has to be a handicap. Sure your esteemed colleagues will be impressed, but it'll be a cinch to pick you out in a lineup. My advice: If you're considering a tattoo on your neck, shave your vacuous head and have that tattooed instead. That way, should you ever decide to re-enter society you can let your hair grow back and your huge mistake will be your little secret.

Facial piercings: I'm sure a barbell through your nose seemed like a positively stellar idea at the time, but right now you look like a caveman trying to be stylish (or cave woman as the case may be). Eyebrows? Chin? Tongue? "You're fuckin nuts" is all I can say about that. Even a tiny little diamond on the side of the nose is hideous. How do you get the back on that little earring, and what happens when you get a cold? I've only ever see one girl pull this one off but she was hot to the Nth degree, and the nauseating nose earring only lowered her to 'really hot' status.

Shorts and sandals in the middle of winter: Check out a map, Ken. This ain't Malibu. You're a big boy now, try to dress like one: Put some fucking grown up pants on. And I don't mean -

Plumber's crack pants: This used to be the biggest freakin joke going, now they're hip. Homeless chic, go figure.

That'll do it in the bitching department for now. Drink up men, could be your last.